Hello again, and also for the first time. I spend most, if not all, of my time thinking. Throughout the course of this endeavor, I realized that anchorite hope literature needed to go.
For many reasons, not the least of which being that it had no focus. No true purpose. A.H. Literature turned out to be little more than a learning exercise. Of course, there is nothing wrong with that (it helped me to discover a focus,) but that name/ image would not survive the torrential brainstorm which fueled this new endeavor.
The Grounded Kite Initiative
More than an endeavor, TGKI represents a new and better way of thinking. Better for me, and better for my peace of mind.
Back in junior high, there was one class project which captured my heart and my imagination like no other: building a kite in shop class. I was so excited. More than anything, I simply wanted my kite to fly. It didn’t have to be the best, or the prettiest, it just needed to fly. Unfortunately, it was not meant to be.
After completing our kites, we were gifted multiple class periods to simply go outside and fly them. That was the hardest part for me. It didn’t fly that first day, and so I did what I could to correct my silly mistake so that it would fly the second day. It did not fly the second day, or the third, or however many days we wound up spending in that field behind the school. Even so, I never stopped trying to fix that kite, and I never stopped trying to get it aloft.
I call this the indomitable spirit, and it has made my life very difficult. Frankly, it never occurs to me to give up on a project, no matter how miserable it makes me. Even if I sink to the furthest depths, I never drown. After a time, that demonic spirit of mine regenerates and I am ready to fail yet again. I see myself as pathetic, worthless, talent-less, and even so I can’t seem to make myself stop- at least, not by any of the methods I have attempted thus far. There’s always another idea with me, and there is always something to fix.
The Hard Reset
My inability to give in to reason has led to a few new things, and possibly a means by which to succor my aching heart:
- A new image and new mantra for the site. I have embraced my inability to create anything that is not inherently, and irredeemably, flawed. This site is now nothing more than a home for all those grounded kites that I have made, and those I will construct well into the future.
- A new mentality as it comes to the distribution and value of my works. I have always seen my writing as having no value to anyone other than myself, and there are others that have told me I am incorrect in assuming this. I have no idea which of us is right, and thus I have come up with a compromise. Everything I write will be available for free from now on, but only through this site. If I truly have any value as a writer, the site will get some traffic. In the future, perhaps I will reboot the patreon page so that it is available for those who also feel my work has some value, but I won’t hold my breath. I really just desire for someone other that myself to read that which I have written. Though, sometimes, even a humble wish is one more than you are permitted.
- I have deleted the @anchoritehope twitter, as well as the ahliterature facebook page, as well as the smashwords page all to tighten the focus of this new… thing. It makes me very tired to pretend that I am an extrovert when I am- so clearly- something completely else. It will be hard enough for me to keep this going, let alone build up some online persona more worthless than that which I was born with.
- The site has been severely streamlined. In the interest of making the purpose of this place clear, everything nonessential has been done away with. No more modus vivendi posts. No more hope of growing it as a brand to aid other indies (can’t even help my damn self…) The proofing idea had already been scrapped and it will not be returning. No more art gallery- only that which you will see in posts. The twitch streaming idea is sidelined until it stops being a stupid idea. The only pages, aside from the main page, will be the library, and the works in progress page. The latter of which will remain locked until such a time as the patreon idea ceases to be stupid.
- Content-wise, there will be no more reviews of any kind. I would much rather enjoy my entertainment media quietly than attempt to indoctrinate others. I may mention the things I am currently enjoying in passing, but there will never be another post on this site dedicated to some other creators work. Updates regarding the progress of my own work will be present in Grounded Kite Initiative posts. The Indomitable Spirit will continue on as a place for random poetry drops, and sharing my latest misadventures as a freak that can’t seem to give up. The first real TIS post will probably be about the time I almost drowned, and how I was totally okay with it.
I think that’s all I’ve got for now. If you’ve read this far, I thank you for taking the time. It really did give me a boost every time I saw that someone even glanced at a post I made on this site, and every comment- I don’t even know. I don’t expect that anyone will ever read this. I really don’t expect anyone to care, but that is what The Grounded Kite Initiative is about. It’s about wanting to be loved even if you don’t deserve it. It’s about wanted to be recognized even if you’re worthless.
It’s about pushing on, though you’re inherently flawed and leaving a trail of broken pieces in your wake.